"אם בחקתי תלכו"
רש"י: "שתהיו עמלים בתורה"
A Visit to a Dying Parent
An interesting question was asked of Rav Asher Weiss Shlita:
A few years ago, Dovid made aliyah, got married and began to study in a Jerusalem kollel. He hurried to the kollel every morning to study with his chavruta (study partner). The two pored over the texts in the Talmud, engaging and analyzing till late at night. This went on
until Dovid’s chavruta had to relocate and Dovid had to find another suitable chavruta. Dovid tried out a few different chavrutot but they didn’t work out for him. Sometime later, he was approached by a young bochur, Chaim, who tried to persuade him to become his chavruta. Dovid reluctantly agreed. Lo and behold, the two had established a wonderful rapport and Dovid’s joy and love for learning was renewed!
A few weeks later Dovid received a dreaded call from his sister in America; their father was very ill. Dovid’s father managed to come on the line and said weakly “"Dovid, my dear son, it seems that my days are numbered. I want to see you before I die. Please come soon and do not delay. ".
Dovid’s thoughts began to swirl in his head. How could he not honor his father’s deathbed request? How long would he be abroad? And, in his absence, would he forfeit his highly suitable and special chavruta that was so difficult to find?
And so, Dovid with a heavy heart, turned to Rav Asher Weiss to ask if he should go to his dying father in America or may he stay with his chavruta at the kollel in Israel.
Response of Rav Asher Weiss to Dovid::
“I'm very bothered by your doubt. Of course you should go! Your father who raised you and is on his deathbed urgently wants to see you. Is there an obligation to honor a father any greater than that?!”
Rav Asher Weiss thought for a moment and added: “Although there is an amazing story about the Chatam Sofer found in the book of responsa, חוט המשולש ;When the eminent Chatam Sofer was already a rabbi in Pressburg, Hungary, his ailing ,elderly mother (in Frankfurt,Germany) sent him a letter in which she had asked to see him before she died.
The Chatam Sofer did not know what to do; should he go to visit his mother or perhaps it would be better not to travel because he was very much needed by the Jewish community in his city; He was the city's rabbi, rosh yeshiva, and so much more. Concerning personal matters, the Chatam Sofer wisely referred the question to his beit din to decide for him. The beit din ruled that he should stay in Pressburg and not visit his mother!
Based on this story, one might derive that so too, Dovid should remain in the kollel and not visit his father.”
Rabbi Weiss continued, “If the Chatam Sofer asked me that very question… (and then chuckled modestly at the irony) I would tell him that he should surely go. Especially a mother with the zechut to raise a son so great must be entitled to see him before she dies.
But there are a few distinctions here in this case:
The Chatam Sofer was one of the greatest of his generation, and the people of Israel depended on his teachings and his answers. Moreover, traveling in those days was not a simple journey. He could not fly in an airplane nor did he have a Mercedes... rather it would entail an arduous journey of a few weeks by wagon.
The main point is that The Chatam Sofer knew that his righteous mother understood well the importance of learning Torah. The Chatam Sofer mentioned that his mother had Ruach Hakodesh.. Therefore, would she have heard that the beit din’s ruling that her son should remain in Pressburg to teach and emanate Torah She would certainly be happy about it, and in the next world they would have much time to spend together.
Since this is a story about the Chatam Sofer and not an abstract ruling, I allow myself the privilege to assume and explain the circumstances of this particular case.
In any event, I do not change my ruling I gave to Dovid. There is no doubt that he IS obligated to visit his father and then return to Israel and (hopefully) continue with that same chavruta or with another chavruta.”
Shabbat shalom!
